the mind.

just a few things swimming around in my head.

1. never rely on other people. don't you think for one second that they will be there EVERY time you need them, even if they promise they will. they can't promise you that because it's just not humanly possible. (parents, husband or wife can be an exception)

2. "the time you enjoy wasting, is not time wasted." i'm not exactly sure if this is true... but i like it! i waste a lot of time.... which i probably shouldn't BUT i enjoy doing the things i do in that time frame.

3. is there really someone out there waiting for me... I KNOW THIS SOUNDS SOOO STUPID but it's been on my mind for a while and so... i am putting it here.

4. i need a boyfriend... well... i'm ready to have one that is. 

5. if i don't lose TEN pounds by my birthday or sooner... i don't know what i'll do to myself. i don't know how i have been able to gain weight but i have... no, not the freshmen fifteen, but might as well be. i'm so upset with myself... therefore making me stressed... therefore bringing fourth the zits. THIS IS RIDICULOUS people. DON'T JUDGE!!!!

6. i miss home. SOOO much. i couldn't wait to get out of there to get away from people (which has been very nice) but i miss my family. i miss my nephews, brother and sister in law. my parents came up this weekend which was so nice! i really needed to see them.

7. i'm serious out of high school. i really moved away from home. like really! haha it's a weird thought for me... i still feel like i'm just here for the weekend like i did all summer. and when i go to class i realize high school was super easy and so much fun (at times). i went on a date last night and when we were at dinner a HUGE group of high school kids all dressed up for homecoming came in to eat! it was SO WEIRD for me to not be in their shoes so to speak.

8. i miss high school for six reasons ONLY. 

• high school is SO FREAKIN EASY. i never had to study. i never had homework other than an occasional paper or worksheet. college has no such thing as a worksheet, or simple paper. and studying??? how on earth do you study for a college test. OH AND... you don't get to check up on your grades... you're S.O.L. until finals. good luck if you have a scholarship with grade requirements. (me)
• football. yes college has football but not my school. which SUCKS! i love my football. i love to watch and be involved. it has created an empty space in me for the season. all i have to say is i will be sitting in front of the television a lot more then usual. oh and i really miss all the school spirit. 
• i lived five minutes from my high school. key word: lived. which means my family was there... again i miss my family. i came home from school or a game to find my family! or they would be there to watch me. now i come home to an empty apartment. haha my roommates are always gone. but when they are here it's like a second family. i love them! p.s. my roommate cate is getting married and needs to sell her contract in NOVEMBER if anyone needs a place to live give me a call!
• i miss sand volleyball with my people! this was a weekly thing! more then weekly... haha we ditched missed class to play! it was SO. MUCH. FUN! this is definitely needed!
• this will sound super funny, but i miss Mrs. Neville. THEE BEST ENGLISH TEACHER ON THIS PLANET! my english teacher.... well i won't say more then he is frustrating and not very helpful. 
• lastly... being fit. being happy with how i looked and how i felt. i don't feel that anymore. i use to be able to decline food (in a healthy way) and now i can't do that. some habits you shouldn't take back... but that one is SOOO coming back! 

9. so you know that common joke about Utah Valley? ya know! the one that goes a little something like... you'll be married within the first year... or you'll be getting married right out of high school, and so on and so fourth... welllllll......... haha just kidding! it's not me. BUT my best friend breann kimball has this little boyfriend/missionary! they dated for two and a half years in high school and now she is waiting for him as he serves an LDS Mission in North Carolina! they are perfect for each other and it is almost disgusting sometimes! (i mean that in the nicest way) they have a date in mind to get married ha i love it! and usually i'm TOTALLY against this stuff but for some reason i love them haha. i can't wait to throw her a bridal shower!.... ideas have started to mingle in my mind don't worry!

10. keep pressing forward! i know the last post was gloomy and this one might come cross that way too. but in all reality i'm okay! college has been fun! and the people i am meeting are great! but everyone needs those times to just let it all out. well some of it out! i'm happy! i'm content! i'm waiting! i'm trying! i'm going to church! (which is harder then you think sometimes) i'm working my butt off at practice all four or five nights a week! so i'm doing okay!